1. Money

Top Ten Tips: How To Keep Your Job In Today's Economy

10 Tongue-in-Cheek Techniques for Keeping Your Job Today

By

Chris Kalaboukis, CEO of AdviceTrader

Chris Kalaboukis is CEO of AdviceTrader, a leading expert advice marketplace.

If you've got a job working for someone else, and want to keep that job, here are ten essential techniques which you absolutely must follow in order to keep your job today:

1. Don't Excel

If you excel at your job, you'll get noticed. Your co-workers will notice that you are doing well and start talking to the boss about it. They'll gang up on you to try and take you down. They'll look for some evidence which poses you in some negative light, and use it as an excuse to get rid of you. Any excuse works in this climate. So don't excel. Excellence makes you different, and "difference" is a negative. Don't be different.

2. Don't Do Poorly

Don't let yourself slack off in any way either. They will use any excuse in a change in your job habits in order to red circle your position. Don't give them any kind of excuse. However, make sure that you also always follow rule one: don't do any more or less that what is expected of you, if you do you'll stick out, and that's the last thing you need right now. Keep on steaming at that exact same clip; don't vary your speed in any way.

3. Don't Complain

This is a sure job buster. Management is strung tight: stress is at an all time high. Money is barely trickling in, if at all. Now is not the time to complain. Bottle it all up, and never say a SINGLE word to anyone at work, or anyone who knows anyone at work, no matter how unfair or wrong things are. Management doesn't want to hear problems OR solutions. They'd like to hear NOTHING. Nothing is king. Silence is queen. They do like to hear keys busily tapping though.

WARNING: Don't be fooled by an "open door policy" or your boss asking you "How Are Things?" or "What's wrong". Always respond to the former with "Fantastic" and never, never respond to the latter with anything other than "Nothing! Everything's just great". In fact, don't ever give him the reason to say "What's wrong": see point 7

4. Use the mantra "I'm just happy to have a job"

Every day, when you get up, in the shower, while you're shaving, on your way to work, just repeat, again and again. "I'm just happy to have a job, I'm just happy to be working". When your boss cuts your salary, just say "That's OK, I'm just happy to be working". When your boss gives that hot sales lead to another sales rep, just say to yourself "It's OK, because I still have a job". When your boss ask you to work the weekend, just say "No problem", and think to yourself. "I'm just happy to have a job." When your boss goes to Hawaii but you have to stay behind and work, remember the mantra.

5. Take a salary cut gracefully when offered

If your boss cuts your salary in order to keep the company afloat (or for his new minivan purchase) just smile and say "I know that its all for the good of the company, that's fine, we'll just get by with less". Even better, offer to take a salary cut, if you know that the company is in trouble.

  1. About.com
  2. Money
  3. Entrepreneurs
  4. Entrepreneurial Lifestyle
  5. Humor
  6. How To Keep Your Job In Today's Economy

©2014 About.com. All rights reserved.